Kawaikune
by Jasonred
Summary: Years later, everyone's favourite martial artist has STILL not managed to resolve things with a certain tomboy... so he writes a letter to vent his frustrations.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: None! Bwahahahaha!!! I lay claim to all characters portayed in this fic as mine, mine, MINE!!! So what if no one else agrees... mine I say, MINE!!! Ahem. Fine then, just in case, I claim that any "coincidental" resemblances to any characters/people who are alive/dead/ figments of the imagination are caused by the reader's imagination. Happy?   
  
Too bad. I want to be happy too, but it's taking more effort than I care for. Eh.   
  
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I sit in the back of the class, watching the short haired girl in the front row. Listening to the lecture, occasionally sharing a joke with her friends... dammit. Sometimes I really wish she would give ME her undivided attention that way. Well, without my resorting to desperate tactics anyway. You'd think that after knowing each other for all these years, it'd be easier to just go out on a date together, but...   
  
Don't ask me why, but even after all this time, I just find it close to impossible to tell the her...   
  
... how I feel about her. Sure, I mean she's cute and all, but it's not just that. It's something... deeper... more important...   
  
Dammit! Well, that's basically my problem, perhaps. I know that I feel something really special for the tomboy...   
  
no... no. That's wrong. She's more than just a tomboy. She's grown up to be a very beautiful young lady now. When I look at her, I don't just see that girl back from high school who used I sorta liked. I see some gorgeous 22 year old who's gone through all sorts of crazy stuff, some of it fun, some just plain upsetting, and come out of it a really incredible person. I see someone who just makes me want to throw myself on my knees in front of her and tell her how awonderful I think she is.   
  
But I won't. Not yet. Truth is... I can't. I'm scared.   
  
"Yeah, right," you say! The great martial artist himself, scared of some girl? Dude, you've faced a dozen opponents without backing down (pride? heck, maybe... it was one of my weaknesses back then). I've faced ridiculous odds that no sane person would want to go up against. I've defeated opponents who everyone else back in High School were scared stiff of! Of course, you couldn't compare Hiroshi or Daisuke to someone like me. I'd been learning my family's school of martial arts since I could walk. So, maybe I was just confident of my skills, or maybe it was just my pride as a martial artist, back then.   
  
I've changed a lot since then. Heck. We all have. Who'd have thought that the lost boy himself would have settled into University? Appropriately enough, he ended up taking a course off in London. Heh. He actually intended to study back home, but, fanged boy being fanged boy... well, let's just say he didn't exactly PLAN on ending up a thousand miles from home. Then again, what else is new? It's not like he'd intended to end up on another continent all those other times either...   
  
My childhood friend... you know, the one I went 10 years or so without seeing? Hmmm... bad memories there. Too many questions of what might have been, and what will NEVER be now... I won't say her name, but you know who I mean. I sorta liked her, when I met her again back then. Hey, I even thought she was cuter than that tomboy!   
  
Ouch! Mallet to the head. Pain... Dammit. You wouldn't think it, but sometimes I actually WISH she'd hit me. She's really grown up since then though, and I haven't seen her really belt someone for ages. Sometimes I just miss that so much that I give myself a tap in the head for sentimental reasons, like just now. I mean, I'd be a baka, but I'd be HER baka... know what I mean?   
  
Anyhow, my childhood friend has decided to be a woman after all. She's still back home, but in University now, like most of the rest of them. I hear she's dating someone there.   
  
I'm happy for her.   
  
And everyone's favourite girl from China? She's actually here believe it or not. And, would you believe it, we're now "good friends"! In other words, we hang out, but she's really interested in other guys now. And, NO, that does not make her a "bimbo"! I'll kill anyone who calls her that. Don't doubt it. I might not be training as hard as I once was, but I'm still a master in the art of Anything Goes Fighting.   
  
As for myself... I'm still hung up on that short haired girl there, sitting in the front seat. As I stare at the back of her head, admiring her soft, sweet hair, I sigh to myself, "akane...", but not loud enough for her to hear. I wouldn't. Even after all these years, my weakness is still women. Some things never change.   
  
Feh. some things never change all right. I'm just as hung up about women as I ever was. Which is surprising, when you consider how much of the female body I've managed to get access to throughout my cursed life. But... it's just not... right? You know what I mean?   
  
And that's why I'm still a... well. As some of my cruder friends would put it, I still have a cherry on my slice of cake. Actually, those clowns would put it into more graphic terms, like "he hasn't stuck his D**K inot a P***Y yet!", but anyhow...   
  
I've had offers of course. I mean, hey, you know who I am right? Naked chicks in the bath and stuff? But... I never took up on the offers then. Or any other time. Why?   
  
Maybe cause none of the offers came from that kawaikune tomboy sitting in front of me.   
  
Hah. Dream on, bud. She's not the kind of girl to say something like that. MAYBE your "love interest" from China, but not her. She's...   
  
She's a nice girl. Maybe one of the nicest I know. And... maybe that's why I'm so crazy about her.   
  
Maybe it's her smile. You know, even back then, it was my weakness. Even in those old days, when I was just telling myself that she was just some uncute tomboy, when she smiled... it was like, wow!   
  
Nowadays, I tend to resort to just about anything to see that smile. Especially when it's for me. To see her laugh, to see her happy. It... it makes ME happy. All my troubles just seem to disappear.   
  
Troubles... stupid oyajii. He's always getting himself in trouble nowadays. My mom is wondering whether he's gone off the deep end this time, what with Crazy Scheme #xxx. Still, in the event that HE has to commit sepukku or whatever new way it is for killing himself, I won't be part of it. Mum knows that I'm a manly man now. But... that's not how I really feel. In spite of everything oyajii has done to me throughout my childhood, I still care for him. Besides, he's getting old now. It's actually reached the point where I shouldn't beat him up... I could do some permanent damage, even without meaning to.   
  
Gah. What a life I have. It's certainly changed a lot ever since those days when studies weren't that important, and all I wanted was to be the best martial artist in the world. Childhood dreams, up in smoke. Well, it's a materialistic world out there, and I'm just NOT the sort of person who could take a life of freeloading. It wasn't MY idea back then, you know that! Besides, that's why I'm actually on the lookout for a job in some big league company next year.   
  
Sometimes I feel like that she's the only real link I have to those old carefree days. Sometimes I feel like she's the only thing keeping me sane. At one point, her being here was the only thing keeping me from just packing it in and going off on a training trip. A LONG, extended, training trip, maybe for a couple of years or so.   
  
But then what would be waiting for me when I came back? What if... she ended up with someone else during that time?   
  
Besides that, I need to see her, every now and then.   
  
Why haven't I just told her how I felt? Heh, heh... Who are we talking about here? ME and HER. I can just imagine myself being belted over the head for saying that.   
  
Worse, I can imagine her smiling at me, and saying, "No. I'm sorry. But we can still be friends!"   
  
Yeah, Lost Boy's nightmare. Heck, even that, bad as the thought is pales to my worst case scenario.   
  
What if it breaks up our friendship?   
  
See, the thing no one else realizes is... Seeing someone just about every day, you get sorta... attached to them being around, you know? And, their merely being there as a friend, even if they don't appear to show any interest in you... it makes all the difference in your day.   
  
Which is why a certain guy didn't just tell his prospective fiances to just get lost. Cause... even though he couldn't fill that role for them, he could still be their friend.   
  
Not that I actually know of any guys like that. (no mallet for me, thanks)   
  
If SHE started ignoring or avoiding me... I just couldn't take that. It'd break me.   
  
Sure there's lots of fish in the sea. Hell, I've had some truly wonderful ones more than willing to be caught.   
  
But she's special. No two ways about it. When I see her face, it just feels like the highlight of my day.   
  
Even after all these years, my feelings for her have never faded. Heck, they're stronger than ever.   
  
Which is why I'm writing this really. Just bottling up all these feelings is seriously messing with my inner harmony. I haven't been able to reach my Zen for ages. (baka. Zen is NOT a dirty word. Get your head out of the gutter!).   
  
Maybe once I put my words to paper, I'll actually find the courage to tell her how I really feel. Not just my usual bit of comedy routine, where I mutter out that she's cute, half hoping she doesn't hear me. I want to pour out my heart to her, tell her how being CLOSE to her makes me feel more alive. How hearing her laugh lifts my heart like nothing else does. How just brushing against her makes me feel electrified, like I'd just been hugged by an angel.   
  
Makes me wonder how it'd be to have my arms around her right now. You know... she's really stubborn about it sometimes, but I don't think she sees that I've always just wanted to keep her safe. I KNOW she can take care of herself. I respect her abilities as a martial artist. She used to be one of the best around. Not as good as me of course, but more than able to take care of herself.   
  
It's just that... I don't think she ever understood what she meant to me. What it would DO to me if anything happened to her. So, even when I did let her be independant, I would constantly be fretting to myself, wondering whether she was alright. Praying that nothing happened to her.   
  
Sometimes I just long to just grab her and hold her in my arms. To just hold her and protect her and never let her go. To keep her with me, to keep her safe, to feel her sweet sweet arms around me.   
  
Of course, if I did that, I have NO DOUBT that I'd wind up in hospital. As I said, she knows how to take care of herself, especially against "sick" (as she once put it) people like myself.   
  
Hey. Who knows. Maybe one day she'll read this. And maybe she'll know who wrote it, and she'll know who I'm talking about. And... then we'll see what happens.   
  
Maybe she won't even know that it has anything to do with her. I dunno... how many people live lives like mine? Could this be mistaken for the life of someone else? She can be pretty dense when it suits her purposes, but she's pretty sharp most of the time... I'm guessing she'll figure it out.   
  
In any case... I guess this'll have to be it for a while. I doubt I'll be able to summon up enough courage to just face her directly for a long long while. I COULD ask her sisters to talk to her for me... but no. She wouldn't like that. She'd want me to tell her herself.   
  
And so, I leave this... message... as it is. The ramblings of a love sick martial artist who's made practically no progress or resolution to this whole affair, from since I met her all those years ago, to now. Will it this help to solve anything? Or will it be yet another milestone in my long, long journey?   
  
All the other girls are long gone from my mind. It's only her now. Only her. What is it going to take to get her to fall for me?   
  
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	2. Kawaikune - Closure

Disclaimer: Once again, none. This is the continuation and closure to my previous fic/ whatever, Kawaikune. A lot of requests came for the second part, follow up, whatever, so... here's what happened next. I doubt a lot of people are going to like it. Heck, I wasn't sure that *I* liked it at first. But, you know, I look at it, and I'm happy. So, who is anyone else to judge?

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As some people might have found out by now, I finally mustered up what little courage I could and (in my oh, so, typical "cowed, nervous and half-frightened out of my wits" pose... I'm sure you're familiar with it?), told HER how I feel about her.

I then waited for the sh!t to hit the fan...

And the thing is... it never did. We actually sat down and talked about everything, thought it through, and decided to do what it would take for us both to be happy.

.....

So, now I'm her brother.

No... this ISN'T one of those ol' fanfics in which martial artist gets the girl. (not THIS girl anyway... There'll be others).

This is one of those in your face-type, real-life type, accounts by everyone's favourite Wild Stallion, yours truly. And, as you all might have noticed... I hardly lead a charmed life. I mean, how often does everything go perfectly according to plan for YOU?

But, I digress. How the heck did this weird thing occur, you ask?

***FLASHBACK:***

"I... well... damnit! I...."

"Just say it... don't worry too much, ok?" "I LOVE you! There, I said it! I love you, and I have loved you for a long time, and I will ALWAYS love you. Always. I love you more than any guy should love a girl. I love you more than is healthy for me. And... I need you. I need you more than anyone else in this world. I need you more than anyone else does, or ever will. Without you... my life just has no meaning. I love you."

Hmmmph... wouldn't you know? The first time is the hardest. After that, it just all came bursting out in a flood. Well, years of pent up emotions WILL do that to you...

Her reply?

"I... I'm... sorry... but, I just can't give you what you need from me."

And that was it. My world started crashing around me. I could FEEL the Depression Blast forming in me, unsummoned. Heck, in the state I was in, the only thing keeping the building we were in structurally intact was the fact that SHE was in it too.

"I just can't see myself with you in that sense now, and... well, as you know, there's someone else."

I did know in fact. Or rather I had suspected, correctly as it turns out. Just a hunch, but you know how my sixth sense works, right? Yeah, I hadn't suspected then. I had KNOWN. Heck, you could trace the path I had taken home that night by the damaged walls, lamp posts and other broken stuff leading away. I had refrained from hurting any actual PEOPLE though. I had wanted nothing better than to start a fight with someone, anyone, any GROUP actually, to make it more of a challenge. Or so it would last longer, so I could inflict MORE of the pain that I had been feeling onto others... but I didn't. It wouldn't have been nice for EITHER of us for me to make a police report that I had lost it because of some jealous rage for her. Besides... I know what I'm capable of. Someone would have died that night. Probably more.

So I had gone home and moped. Little sleep, little food, no training. And you know what I'm like about food and my martial arts training.

And that had led to this confrontation. Heck, I was starving myself to death, (or angsting myself to death, really, which is a far worse way to go... it's possibble too, ask your doctor), so... how much worse could things go? Besides... I needed an end to this, one way or another.

And so...

"But... couldn't you give me a chance? I mean, anyhow? Old times sake, maybe? I mean, I... I really need...", but even as the words left my mouth, I knew the answer. That tomboy, once she makes up her mind about something, she don't change it easily, no. And...

"Well... I DID. I'm sorry, but... you didn't qualify"

"Think of it like a job interview," said the brown-red haired, short haired, financial whiz from her family, "You've just applied to a company which is looking for different criteria from the ones you possess. So... don't feel too bad. You'd best apply to some other company."

Well, gee, thanks for the advice, Nabs. Coming from you, I should have expected THAT version of the old, "many fish in the sea" line.

Didn't do me any good right now though.

.....

.....

.....

So, I guess you're wondering how I finally adopted her as my sister?

I... guess that... it was something to do with how I would love her, and I KNEW that I would always love her. For the rest of our lives and beyond, perhaps. So, if my love could not be replied, and could not be destroyed... could it then, like energy, be CHANGED?

Do not quote me on the following... it was more or less like this, but only more or less... it's not like the rest of what I'm writing here is word for word exact, but I don't care about the rest. Cause, what's coming next are the two most important lines in this story. And no rewording, or retelling of this is going to make it feel like how it felt like to me at that moment. So, I'm just going to give you the gist of it, and leave the details to you.

"Can I adopt you as my sister?"

"... yeah, ok."

And that was it. (more or less. See, I TOLD you I couldn't recapture that moment exactly!)

It might seem like just some dopey everyday comment from one joker to some girl, but to me... I felt like some enormous weight had lifted off my shoulders. Like I had just completed something that would change my life. Like... well, put it this way. You know all that I've accomplished throughout my life, all my achievements, my victories?

Quite possibly, none ever felt as good as this one.

"WHY??? HOW??? " you ask? How on Earth can I be HAPPY with that result?

I asked myself the same. Why in the world DID it feel so good, when I had been hurting worse than any beating I had ever taken in my life just moments before?

In hindsight now, I realize that I have lost nothing, and gained much. Maybe not all I set out for, but more than I was hoping for.

I will always be there for her now. I will always protect her. I will always love her, and she will accept my love. I will care for her, I will make her happy, I will guide her, I will be guided by her.

And most important of all, I won't ever lose her.

So, I'm actually happy now. Really, better than before in fact. Eh, could it be that I was just so desperate for someone to love with my whole heart that I fell to this? So in need of someone to love me, to receive my affection?

Nah! I'm tougher than that! I'm the best! And... besides... heh... well... 

I just can't see myself feeling for anyone else what I did for her. She's special, and not just anyone can make me feel the way I felt.

But as of some time ago, all my previous feelings just... well, changed. Really! I... don't want her in that way anymore. I never thought it'd be possible, but I don't. Now I just feel the sort of feelings a brother has for his sister.

(Incest is bad, you freaks!!!)

Well, assuming here that I knew what it was like having a sister before. Heck, she might have a couple of sisters, but having a brother is a new experience for her too. So, it's sorta cool, I guess. VERY cool, at the moment actually. I've always HAVE wanted a younger sister to spoil rotten. It's all ojayi's fault that I never did.

And now our families are joined.

Ironic, yet poetically beautiful.

Don't feel sorry for me. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and my life has taken a new direction. Besides...

Now I'm free to check out all those other pretty ladies, and test out all those tricks I've picked up over the years!

Did you know that Shiatsu has all SORTS of pleasure points? ... heh... that wasn't a typo by the way... And knowing the human body the way I do, from martial arts, that gives me the boost of knowing what reaction I'm going to get from touching what... Don't even mention my familiarity of the female body, that's off limits!

Disappointed? Well, I warned ya. But, as I said, don't feel sorry for me, cause I'm now happy. And best of all, from this whole experience I got what I was aiming for: CLOSURE. I am done with that chapter in my life, and am moving on. Some more unfortunate people grope around for the light switch for ever, never finding what they're looking for, or even if it's in the room. I lit a mtach, burnt my fingers, and found out that what I wanted wasn't there. But I found something just as good, maybe better, and a band-aid besides.

I wish everyone reading this success in their own pursuit of happiness, and REMEMBER! Sometimes the answer isn't what you think it is, or want it to be, but if everyone is trying to make the best of things, you can probably find happiness anyway.

If that's not to your taste, sorry. Fine, here's an original Japanese Haiku of dubious quality... I was never that good at that sort of thing:

Shimatta! Itai....  
Kaiwoshimesu? Keishi.  
Tanoshiomoide!

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Author's notes: Well, that's the end to that. If and when I decide to get our favourite martial artist involved with someone else, I might continue this not-so-series. For those looking for the translations to the haiku or any other Jap stuff, try this link:

Japanese-English Dictionary 


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